I was recently in the presence of a non dog owner / dog lover. How this happened is beyond me, but there I was...there I was listening to the myriad of phrases and names I use for and with my boys.
The first of which is “my boys”. People are surprised that I don’t have two youngin’s poorly named Dudley and Thump. Their faces always show signs of relief when “My two boys, Dudley and Thump” is followed up with “- my dogs”. Whew, they thought - crazy lady here.
Well, that’s not really the point of this tale. The point is to recount the many phrases and names I use either when calling them out or when directing them - which seem quite normal to me. “Outsiders” on the other hand, might find these a bit disturbing. Ah, who cares. I love flying my freak flag - high and proud baby!!!
Dudley, The Dudster, Dudkins
Thump, Thumpster, Thump-a-lump-a-gus
sweetie pie, stinky feet, stinky breath, nasty boy
boog - short for booger, booger
bed hog, brown eyes, happy boy, wad-o-Dudley, mad farter, you little..., traitor
YOUR brother - when the other has done something bad I say it to his brother
gitty on up - when telling them to go upstairs...which is usually followed up by “head em up move em out, move em out head em up. Rawhide! I try to sing this second part cause it makes me laugh when they do what they are told.
When I arrive home and am able to look them in the eyes, I ask: did you have a good day? were you nice to your brother? what did you watch on TV? did you take a nap all day? have you been eating something dead?
In my head they are saying:
Q: Did you have a good day?
A: It was ok.
Q: Just ok?
Q: Were you nice to your brother?
A: Why should I be - he’s never nice to me.
Rebuttal: He’s your brother, be nice!
Q: What did you watch on TV today?
A: Um that would be the same movie that you put in every morning and hit repeat on mom. Seriously are there no other movies in your collection that repeat automatically??
Rebuttal: No, now hush up and go get your brother...it’s time to go potty.
Q: Did you take a nap all day?
A: Yes mom...all day. My brother looked out the window a lot and barked, but I’ve learned to tune him out.
Rebuttal: Good for you, keep the peace.
Q: Have you been eating something dead?
A: For the one millionth time mom, it’s called “dog breath”.
Rebuttal: Oh, ok...no need to get hostile.
In reality they don’t understand a word I say to them, or at least that’s what I think right now. See, we started a series at OCF called “Heaven” - really excited about this series. Should be rockin’ good. So, given the opportunity I will most definitely stand up and ask - will dogs be able to speak in heaven? Should I wait till it’s real quiet and we have a packed house to ask it? I know someone else wants to know, but is afraid to ask the question. Not me - freak flag front and center.
So it’s late, so I’m going to reserve the right to add to the list as my brain becomes less fuzzy.
Hope you dog lovers will speak up and tell me your nicknames!!! Keep it PG please :)
My (so far) twelve page blog on February, March and April is coming soon!!!