07.20.12. Brothers & Sisters...

See more of my 2012 adventure photos on SmugMug 

My sweet friend asked me the other night if I was tired of fielding questions about my recent trip to Russia. In fact, I had not shared much other than the 30 second “It was AWESOME” rendition since I arrived home. The first few days back I have have been laid up in bed with a bought of allergies that could warrant an elephant useless. I think that maybe it was a good thing, albeit completely annoying. My brain has had time to slow down (translation = stop), process, be thankful for everything that I experienced (even staying an a hostel *shudder*), and it has given me time to start to define this “new perspective” I’ve been wrestling to find words for.   

The Foundation...

What I’m about to share is a seemingly random but distinct memory which catapulted me into writing today’s post... 

He Planted The Seed 20 Years Ago...

My family owned a Baskin Robbins so as you can imagine I spent most of my time working in the family business. One summer evening we were particularly busy but I remember a group of people coming in and they would refer to each other as “Brother” so-and-so, and “Sister” so-and-so. I thought it was odd because from a simple glance you could tell that none of them were related. I think God tucked that memory away so that over 20 years later after returning from my trip I could say “I get that now!!”.

My Dilema...

For the record, I have one sibling - a brother. I can remember my Mom recounting what she told my Dad after my brother and I were born “Gene, we have a boy and a girl and they don’t come in any other sexes or colors for us, so we’re done”. Ah yes, the heart of a mother. Having that moment tucked away in my psyche meant that on the faithful night I heard people calling each other brothers and sisters, it was just going to remain an - ok whatever, you’re my ‘brother’ - kind of concept to me. 

Fast forward 20 years. 

My Family Is A Lot Larger Than I Thought...

But the Bible says in Matthew 12:50 that men and women who are believers in Christ can in fact call each other brothers and sisters. Jesus defines what qualifies a true “brother” by saying “For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.” I believe He mentions the term mother because she was in fact, part of the story. I do not believe He was calling all women to in fact be (act as) “my” mother...although He has blessed me greatly in that area and I love it! It’s a pretty fantastic promise: when we become followers of Christ our definition of family is suddenly expanded to infinity - to everyone who was a believer, is a believer and will become a believer. That’s something worth pondering. Think about setting THAT table for Thanksgiving dinner! 

Give Me A Moment, Please...

Allow me just revel for a moment in the idea that that He would provide the opportunity and funds to send me thousands of miles around the world to experience the “expansion” of my family through spiritual brothers and sisters. BLOWS MY MIND. 

A Second Foundation...
So let me set the scene for you. It’s our first full night in the country. After having a few good hours of sleep, we arrive at the prayer room, where musicians were setting up to play worship music for a few hours. Word had gotten out that anyone was welcome to come worship. We got a brief tour of the building, met the pastor and staff, and were sitting in the kitchen huddled around a table drinking tea. The conversation begsn when the pastor was asked how his church came to “be”. The story that unfolded was amazing. To me it was this beautiful mix of a man resisting God’s will for his life at first, then as he laid it down God began to use him mightily...and the favor of God is evident in his whole endeavor. A 10,000 SF church is now standing within the city limits...on a hill...whose architect was led from Norway to this city to donate the skills of his profession. Don't ever try to tell me that God can't move mountains. 

The conversation continued on, but at one point I looked around and thought “Why am I here God? The group of men and women who gathered for this trip all have a pretty solid idea of what their purposes are, but what about me? I just said yes I would go, and have continued to hound You for a purpose until this moment!  God if you sent me here then there must be a reason." I stepped away from the table and went out to find it. I walked into the prayer room, but all ll I knew to do was to pray and take pictures...that’s all my heart felt qualified to do. I sat in the back of the room for a while, then sat on the floor when the room started to fill, then stood in the back as even more made their way in throughout the night. I felt God stirring me...but for what?

What He Revealed...
I believe what He allowed me the freedom to do over those two weeks was to capture people in their moments of pure worship and fellowship. I kept my camera at my side and the music was loud enough to silence the “click” of the shutter. Some people were leery of me when they saw the camera, but they would ask me something in Russian and watch me do the “let me look frantically for a translator to help explain” eye dart and head movements, and realized I was just one of the American’s who was visiting...and had not taken the time to learn a few simple Russian phrases...and no ulterior motive for taking their photo.

I only asked people to pose when the situation called for it - like to capture a “team photo”. 

What I Learned Was...

The rest of the time I moved in and out of the crowds hoping to be ignored, watching people as they worshiped. And it was beautiful... 

And what I learned was that they laugh and cry and sing and pray just like we do. Does that seem silly to say? I guess it’s never really something I even considered. Moving beyond that, they prayed to and sang to and cried out to the same God we do. The same God who knows the English language and is present in our worship is the same God who knows Russian and is present in their worship. The same God who knows every dialect past and present and knows each of His children by name. And deep calls out to deep, and we came together simply as believers to worship the same God. The same God who sees His children living in oppression in Russia, is the same God who sees His children living in oppression in the United States - even when oppression is called by a different name...corrupt government, unemployment, addiction, sickness, a fatherless generation. 

So What Now?

But if it’s deep calling out to deep - what is He calling us to? The phrases I felt Him repeating to me time & time again as I watched the people sing and worship were...

Be who I created you to be.

Worship how I created you to worship.

Be you. 

Be free. 

The music would start and this house of worship would start to take form. Some would sit back and let the music - as my pastor likes to say - “wash over you”. Some would lift one hand as if to say “I need to receive the truth of this song”. Or two hands as if to say “I surrender”. But whatever it “looked” like, every heart was saying the same thing - “You alone have what I need God...I have come to worship the One who was, who is and who is to come...I need to feel Your presence and I want to know how real You are. I want to know that you hear my prayers. I need to know that you know me.” 

For Me...

I don’t measure the value of time spent in worship by the tears I cry...or what words I cry out to him in anger and hurt and fear...or by the freedom I feel when I’m telling Him how thankful I am for all that He has done and will do in my life.

I do measure the value of time spent in worship by what comes next. I appreciate those moments for all that they reveal about my relationship with Him...even when He identifies the dark and hidden places in my heart that He wants to reveal and heal...even when I spend two weeks frustrated...and even in those moments that inspire me to sit and write about His love for me. But those moments - as much as they make me know how real He is and how loved I am - can only take me so far. It’s what I do with those moments that brings change and hope and life alive.

I believe that saying yes to God about this trip flung open a flood gate in our relationship. I believe that in the moment He gave me boldness to say yes to the complete unknown, that I changed as a person. He gave me the opportunity to experience a  family I never knew I had, and that I never knew I needed. He’s still stirring me to write about more from this trip, but THIS is the first thing that has simply overwhelmed me the most since I’ve been back...it’s good to be me. 

Only God could take two weeks of not speaking or understanding the language or words to a song, or what was being spoken in prayer (other than through a translator) and make my heart at peace. It was simply enough to go and worship and pray along side my brothers and sisters in Christ...He transcends all language barriers and fear.     

For the service they put up the words to the song and I thought "Oh good, I can sing along now...not so much!"

My Fear In Writing This...

I’ve struggled the last few hours with the horror that the friends and family who supported me would read this and say - “THAT’S what you needed $2500 for...to ‘see a family you never knew you had’ - are you kidding me???” I’m not saying they would, but it was a fear of mine. The only answer I could give would be - YES!!! When I say that I am thankful for God’s favor and the financial support, it’s nothing more than an understatement to what my heart feels. 

But Prayer Squelched That Fear...

In addition I could feel the prayer coverage from the time I left until the time I returned, and that is no joke. How do I qualify that?  

• My mind was in a state of complete peace. 

• My heart, although it was full of questions, was at peace as well. 

• My body was in a fantastic state of health. I did not have one migraine in two weeks. And it was in a fantastic state even when my ankles were swollen like softballs because I could still walk and stand. And even when I fell on one knee - which took the full impact of my body weight - and I didn’t have one broken bone or any bruising. 

• A friend from the states reached out to me in two really critical moments and said - You’ve been on my heart all day. What’s going on? And after I told her she prayed and my heart was again at peace.

• And it came in the words of encouragement that were spoken to me by several of my new sisters in Russia. You know who you are. Each time you came over your words were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. If ever there was a time in my life that I could look back on and KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that God hears my prayers, and that He loves me enough to speak through someone...these two weeks are it. 

THAT is the power of prayer. 

My hope...

As I unpack this trip through my blog and pictures, I hope that it will stir in you a desire to simply ask - what can I do?. His answer to me was simple - go. I went knowing only that He had given me confirmation and the funds to go. I went knowing that even after asking Him time and time again, I went with no vision or plan other than to help as I could and to pray. I said yes, and with that a new level of hope has emerged. I love the expression that you can’t “un-know, un-see, or un-hear something”. So if He flung open this door, then 1. it’s for a reason and 2. it will give me hope which sustains me until it’s time to act. And my promise from His is that the hope He gives me never fails. 

On a seemingly side note, I will say this. Several months ago I took painstaking hours to write out what I thought the “ideal job” would look like - everything from location to actual job description, to pay, and even health benefits. Put that same task in front of me today and it would go from a few pages to one simple sentence: Photograph and document teams of on-fire followers of Christ on trips around the world. Just "putting that out there".  

The final thought I want to leave with you is a quote I saw on the wall of the TNT Hostel in Moscow. I didn't appreciate it in the moment my friend pointed it out, but I truly can appreciate the sentiment and directive now...