11.10.10: You Think You Know Someone

So while preparing for the mother of all yard sales I was able to stop for a brief moment and catch a glimpse of the life my Mom and Dad. How, you say? With their record collection. With their bizarre, questionable and disturbing record collection. God love em’.

Remember waaaaayyyyyy back when NutriSystem first came out? Well, to round out their “sucker marketing package” they produced their own exercise album called Nutricize - and I quote, “Music designed specially for exercise and body movement featuring 10 original songs". Without further delay and copied verbatim from the jacket cover here are the exercise group & tune with which to get fit...

• Breathing and Pumping - “This Is For Me” - oh ok, for me some “breathing” and “pumping” exercises. How very “satisfying” this tune must be. 

• Sitting Exercises - “Lady Blue” - If you would stop sitting you might not be so blue...lady. 

• Tug of War - “Ah-Ooh” - Um, ok...what?

• March and Jog - “Your Tummy’s Taking Over” - I think there is a self deprecating message in this song.

• Hip Rolls - “Will You Be There?” - is this a tandem exercise? I’m just sayin’.

There’s a nice collection of John Denver here - that’s all my mom. Peter Nero and Erroll Garner define my dad's taste in music. Oh - spoke too soon. They have an extensive Barbara Streisand collection...they must now wear the cone of shame for this one.

Odd fact. My dad was an avid whistler. It drove me up one wall and down the other. I was frequently objected to this annoying habit in our home and at our store, but it made me the “tooth and nails” gal I am today, so it wasn’t all bad, right? So to celebrate dad’s freakiness, we have...George Shearing’s Lullaby of Birdland. You can make me poke my eyes out with favorites like... 

• “Over the Rainbow” - cause the song is just not annoying enough, now you’re going to whistle it...fabulous. 

• “Easy To Love” - well not while you’re whistle you’re not.

• “There’s A Lull In My Life” - gee, wonder why. 

• “Don’t Blame Me” - of course I’m going to blame you, you’re whistling! It’s why there’s a lull in your life.

I should say that I don’t currently have a record player so there is a conceivable, albeit remote chance, that this is NOT an all whistling LP - but the front jacket cover and title leaves me no other choice but to present it this way.  

Here’s one titled “Road Warriors” - to be enjoyed out on the open road. Oh wait - you have to listen to this LP in the comfort of your HOME...you’re living on the edge now!

Sing It’s Good For You with songs like “Whistle While You Work” and “I Got Plenty O’ Nuttin”. Irony...great irony.

The Believers of Nashville Sing...with a photo of the beach at sunset. For those of you who are geographically challenged, Nashville is not now, nor will it ever be near an ocean. Maybe not the best choice for an album cover.

Here’s a great image for the phrase “moral compass” - Jackie Gleason’s Music for Lovers Only. And the artwork they’ve chosen? Two martini glasses, an ashtray with two lit cigarettes and a hotel room key. Nice! This gem is reserved for the fast and loose!

The Tender Side of Ray Charles...with two anglo-saxon’s on the front. Again...irony.

The Highwaymen featuring five white guys in short sleeved, button down oxfords, holding 3 guitars, a banjo and a ukulele. They’re musicians AND they have the latest fashions from Sears?? Tell me MORE!! “Take This Hammer” & “Irish Work Song”? YES! Oh, and “Greenland Fisheries”? How could I pass up “a sea chanty which describes a whaling expedition to the coast of Greenland”. Being the fine Catholic, land-locked people that we are, I find my parents choice of music...disturbing. 

There’s more you say??? Well let’s round out this ole trip down memory lane with a great memory...

Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. Only a few of you know why this is funny and brings to mind a wonderful memory. In addition to being a happy whistler, my father was a bit of...well, he loved life more than anyone I ever knew. I don’t want to over romanticize the man he was, but his passion was evident when he took a day trip and drove 80 miles to try “the best hamburger in Florida”. 

So at dad’s funeral, he wanted this piece of music played, the 1812 Overture...all 10 minutes of it. Yes, the first 8 minutes or so were a bit uncomfortable and were cause for pew squirming. BUT THEN - as we sat alone with our thoughts, battle cannons started firing! A few of us couldn’t help but chuckle at his “going home” music. He wanted to go out with a bang...his exact words to me. My friend later admitted to me that after the piece started playing, she was about to go find the funeral director to say that surely he must be playing the wrong music. Maybe, only a little while later, did she realize the type of man my father was...a nut. Love ya & miss ya dad!!

Ok, that’s it. I’m inclined now to review my iTunes library and begin purging. Which is sad really because this “torch”, this task of reverent mockery, must be passed on to one of my dear friends, not a nutty child like me. Any takers? It’ll be a hoot for ya - that’s for sure!

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by!!